Stuck in Transition

Diving off the high board. That's the metaphor my pals use to encourage me to take bigger and bigger steps; to feel confident and capable as a single seventy-something starting anew.
I'm doing well....diving in, leaps of faith, the occasional hop, skip and a jump!


Here's my list so far:
Survived sudden widowhood
Learned to live alone without the lights on all night
Asked questions, researched; figured out how to make my own decisions
Became a farm to table advocate (easy way out as I've never cooked)
Ventured into dating...sorta
Planned and visited NYC with my granddaughter, a dude ranch with my grandson
Spent the past few Christmas Eves with my kids....reversing family tradition
Grew as a writer
Sold my house
Relocated back to my home state


Now....I'm stuck in transition. Here I am back in Michigan's lake country staying with friends, relatives and sometimes, at my favorite Best Western. I've got my Honda Pilot and khaki bag filled with everything I need and my furnishings in storage and I've become a wanderer!
It takes time to find the right place to settle. It takes time and money to make it happen. It takes time and new brain activity to grasp financial planning, rental agreements, different state laws....all good to know. I can't decide. I don't spend a dime. I ask, listen and learn.....but I just don't want to dive or jump in right now.

I've felt so strong and ready to move forward. I needed something new and different. Everything has fallen into place beautifully. My son's family moved back here also; they're happily employed with a darling house and two teens ready to start a new school. I've reconnected with old friends, have part-time work in the schools and am finally debt free! My fitness level has increased with nature trails, bike paths and kayaking nearby. Every time I drive through town, I'm reminded that so much of who I am is based on coming from here!

Am I getting too comfortable living with trial-sized everything? Counting the number of folks who still ask me to come stay? It seems half the time I'm clueless and half the time I'm taking a stand against responsibility. I was dependent on my husband for so many years; learning to do for myself and become confident gave me great peace and faith. I've gotten myself this far.....maybe it's just a Time Out. Maybe patience and grace take it from here.


My days feel open and content. I meet pals for lunch, catch up on shows, ride bikes with my granddaughters and....like now, write again. I want to settle with my comfy chair and scrapbooks; a place for my own hair dryer and bed and clothes hanging in a closet. I learned to be proactive, to go for it and make things happen. But now, it seems I'm waiting for something to grab me as I drive through condo and townhouse communities. Enter patience...I'm okay with this time out. I'm okay living like a gypsy girl skipping here and there... listening for that place to call my name.


17 comments:

  1. I jumped in the house selling pool! But I won't be moving that far away, just to a small place. You do inspire me.

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    1. Good for you.....I read your post and saw your great paint job! Bravo, girl. I'm happy you're ready to take this step....I'm finding that interrupted lives means learning as you go. Thanks for reading, my friend!

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  2. I hear serenity in this post. Yours are the words of someone who has come to terms with the situation, who has figured out how to "accept life on life's terms." Bravo.

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    1. Wow, Bob.....this gives me something to ponder. Accepting happens whether we like it or not when death deals the blow. Coming to terms takes time and learning how to navigate..thanks for the compliment....serenity is a favorite word of mine! Feels like I'm still figuring as I go.

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  3. What is the rush? You have come so far but you sound like you feel the need to decide everything today -- there is no rush. Enjoy every moment!

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    1. Thank you, Kc. You're right. I've probably done it ass backward....moving then finding a place...., but that's okay. Thanks for reminding me to slow down and cherish friends and family time.

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  4. Taking your time is probably a really wise move --- I have heard so many people say (about their living arrangements) "I knew it when I saw it." I hope the same is true for you!!

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    1. Thanks, Paula...that's what I'm hoping for!

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  5. I love the phrase: I am OK with this time out. I may appropriate that for my current awkward life transition…

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    1. Thanks, Carla....sometimes slowing down, taking time out...puts things in perspective and gives us clarity, redirection. Patience is my friend right now!

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  6. It sounds like you're right where you want and need to be. When the right house shows up, you'll know it! Enjoy your peace of mind and your family.

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    1. Yes, I'm enjoying this down time with my family and friends and time back in the gym. The right place will beckon at the right time....hopefully before the snow flies! Thanks for reading and commenting.

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  7. You have done so much and dealt with so many things Joan that I think taking this extra time right now seems just right. You'll know when it's time when you pull in somewhere and say "this is home." Until then don't settle for anything less. Have fun, catch up and don't worry! You'll be just fine. I'm rooting for you!

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    1. Thank you, Rena. I had momentum and a schedule.....so slowing down felt strange. But writing and reading all of your opinions tells me it's a good thing for now. I can do this too!

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  8. Soon the snow will fly and it will be time to snuggle in your own nest. You will find it, look how far you've come!

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    1. That's what I'm looking forward too, Haralee! Thanks for the vote of confidence

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  9. I love the idea of combining a proactive approach with patience, waiting for what calls next. Thanks for a beautiful piece and sharing the richness of your life.

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