Stuck in Transition

Diving off the high board. That's the metaphor my pals use to encourage me to take bigger and bigger steps; to feel confident and capable as a single seventy-something starting anew.
I'm doing well....diving in, leaps of faith, the occasional hop, skip and a jump!


Here's my list so far:
Survived sudden widowhood
Learned to live alone without the lights on all night
Asked questions, researched; figured out how to make my own decisions
Became a farm to table advocate (easy way out as I've never cooked)
Ventured into dating...sorta
Planned and visited NYC with my granddaughter
Spent the past two Christmas Eves with my kids....reversing family tradition
Grew as a writer
Sold my house
Relocated back to my home state


Now....I'm stuck in transition. Here I am back in Michigan's lake country staying with friends, relatives and sometimes, at my favorite Best Western. I've got my Honda Pilot and khaki bag filled with everything I need and my furnishings in storage and I've become a wanderer!
It takes time to find the right place to settle. It takes time and money to make it happen. It takes time and new brain activity to grasp financial planning, rental agreements, different state laws....all good to know. I can't decide. I don't spend a dime. I ask, listen and learn.....but I just don't want to dive or jump in right now.

I've felt so strong and ready to move forward. I needed something new and different. Everything has fallen into place beautifully. My son's family moved back here also; they're happily employed with a darling house and two teens ready to start a new school. I've reconnected with old friends, have part-time work in the schools and am finally debt free! My fitness level has increased with nature trails, bike paths and kayaking nearby. Every time I drive through town, I'm reminded that so much of who I am is based on coming from here!

Am I getting too comfortable living with trial-sized everything? Counting the number of folks who still ask me to come stay? It seems half the time I'm clueless and half the time I'm taking a stand against responsibility. I was dependent on my husband for so many years; learning to do for myself and become confident gave me great peace and faith. I've gotten myself this far.....maybe it's just a Time Out. Maybe patience and grace take it from here.


My days feel open and content. I meet pals for lunch, catch up on shows, ride bikes with my granddaughters and....like now, write again. I want to settle with my comfy chair and scrapbooks; a place for my own hair dryer and bed and clothes hanging in a closet. I learned to be proactive, to go for it and make things happen. But now, it seems I'm waiting for something to grab me as I drive through condo and townhouse communities. Enter patience...I'm okay with this time out. I'm okay living like a gypsy girl skipping here and there... listening for that place to call my name.