It's That ValenTime




He gave me flowers, candy and sometimes jewelry most years. His last year he brought me coffee in bed with this card and mini-Valentine cupcakes! A few months later, he got Easter cupcakes for my spring Birthday....all sale specials I'm sure! This is a tough one for me and so many dear friends who have lost their spouses after a lifetime together. My heart goes out to them as I feel what they feel and think what they think when awakening each morning and when they turn off the lights at night. Empty chairs and an empty table, empty bed.....empty house. 



No one to exclaim "what the hell" about the candidate circus or share my latest accomplishment in Zumba. No one who asks how your appointment went or pick up the pen you just dropped or grab you a napkin. Two months after he died, another widow told me it gets both harder and easier. After seven months, I wrote about becoming a widow on my blog; feeling all strong and knowy about the widow part......but including a disclaimer that I no longer had an editor in residence. The first year anniversary went okay as friends and family invited me for lunches and dinners and the grandkids telling Grandpa stories. I can do this, I thought....thinking I'd passed some kind of test or magic number or milestone. It seemed I'd reached the 'gets easier' phase. And then came the fall/winter holiday times. I put on a smiley face and decorated with my grandchildren, but there's no fun in it alone; 'cause they eventually go home. And you're on your lonesome own again. So yeah....that is one of the  'harder' times for sure.

 I'm a positive thinker, practice gratefulness, thank the sun for shining and turn the oldies' station loud to get myself turned forward....and it works most of the time. But it's NOT true that time heals.....it's been almost three years and I miss him more than ever! 
The thing about LOVE is that someone has to go first and someone has to stay behind. The thing about FOREVER is that it really does keep going in our hearts....filling up with memories of all our togetherness. He knows this and gives me what I need.....like this morning; I woke up thinking "I'm better than I think I am!" I'm better than I think in lots of ways. His Valentine gift for me this year! So, dear lonely friends, please feel my hugs and my prayers for you. There are signs and messages surrounding you always that bring strength and comfort. Embrace the sadness and hard times, but please know that easier times WILL follow. Show your kids and grandkids sorrow... and show them happy!
 May everyone find some happy here and there this Valentine weekend.

18 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Sweet Olga...this is for you too. We are in this together. Thank you for reading, for understanding! Sending you Hugs and strength and comfort.

      Delete
  2. I can only imagine how difficult the holidays must be and Valentine's Day in particular. All of us are out here sending you big warm virtual hugs!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Kc....I feel them! I appreciate your support so much.

      Delete
  3. Dear Lonely Friend, please feel my hugs and prayers for you. If I could reach my hand through the internet and hold yours for a while I would. I'm still amazed by you, how your thoughts always turn toward others even when you are hurting your self. Love and sympathy, Bob

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My dear friend, Bob.....you have been here from the beginning, reading and supporting and cheering me on. Your words mean so much.....it takes days before I can respond without tears. My biggest wish is that I had more of your great writing to read! More peeks into the good ol' days and your wonderful family......write for us, kiddo!

      Delete
    2. Sure, put a guilt trip on me. I haven't seen much from your pen (computer) lately either. I'll try to get back on the horse and hope you will too.

      Delete
  4. Dear Joan, You and I are in the same place.....keeping busy, trying to let a lifetime of memories carry us through these little "challenges." Take a deep breath. I tell my self that there are a lot of women in the world who never had what I had. I have two wonderful daughters who make me proud every day. I put one foot in front of the other........ Hope you are surrounded by the love of your family this Valentine's Day! Sending love. smiles, and hugs to you! Hope we see each other again soon! Cynthia

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thank you, Cynthia....I know we walk this path; that you totally get it.
    thanks for reading and commenting, my friend. For sure, let's get together when I'm back in May! Valentine hugs to you!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Please feel my hugs too Joan! YOU are so brave to share your feelings with us all...an inspiration!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Laura...it helps to write my feelings; if they comfort someone else, I'm happy.

      Delete
  7. As a woman who is long divorced I can certainly understand how you feel!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The emptiness, the loneliness...you seem to cope well PIa....but it's not always easy. Thanks for reading and understanding.

      Delete
  8. My heart really goes out to you. It must be so very difficult to lose a partner, when we think we will walk into the future together. Sending love on this day and every day.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, my friend! I appreciate your understanding and assurance that love lasts forever in our hearts! Valentine hugs for you too!

      Delete
  9. What a beautiful post, Joan. Sending you a big hug on Valentine's Day - you can always share your latest Zumba accomplishment with me and I will cheer for you! xo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Love this....cheering for me! Thanks, sweet Lois....I sure will! Happy Valentine Hugs and thanks for reading and commenting!

      Delete