He gave me flowers, candy and sometimes jewelry most years. His last year he brought me coffee in bed with this card and mini-Valentine cupcakes! A few months later, he got Easter cupcakes for my spring Birthday....all sale specials I'm sure! This is a tough one for me and so many dear friends who have lost their spouses after a lifetime together. My heart goes out to them as I feel what they feel and think what they think when awakening each morning and when they turn off the lights at night. Empty chairs and an empty table, empty bed.....empty house.
No one to exclaim "what the hell" about the candidate circus or share my latest accomplishment in Zumba. No one who asks how your appointment went or pick up the pen you just dropped or grab you a napkin. Two months after he died, another widow told me it gets both harder and easier. After seven months, I wrote about becoming a widow on my blog; feeling all strong and knowy about the widow part......but including a disclaimer that I no longer had an editor in residence. The first year anniversary went okay as friends and family invited me for lunches and dinners and the grandkids telling Grandpa stories. I can do this, I thought....thinking I'd passed some kind of test or magic number or milestone. It seemed I'd reached the 'gets easier' phase. And then came the fall/winter holiday times. I put on a smiley face and decorated with my grandchildren, but there's no fun in it alone; 'cause they eventually go home. And you're on your lonesome own again. So yeah....that is one of the 'harder' times for sure.
I'm a positive thinker, practice gratefulness, thank the sun for shining and turn the oldies' station loud to get myself turned forward....and it works most of the time. But it's NOT true that time heals.....it's been almost three years and I miss him more than ever!
The thing about LOVE is that someone has to go first and someone has to stay behind. The thing about FOREVER is that it really does keep going in our hearts....filling up with memories of all our togetherness. He knows this and gives me what I need.....like this morning; I woke up thinking "I'm better than I think I am!" I'm better than I think in lots of ways. His Valentine gift for me this year! So, dear lonely friends, please feel my hugs and my prayers for you. There are signs and messages surrounding you always that bring strength and comfort. Embrace the sadness and hard times, but please know that easier times WILL follow. Show your kids and grandkids sorrow... and show them happy!
May everyone find some happy here and there this Valentine weekend.
Posted by Joan Stommen